These are tremendous T-shirts. Ok? Believe me. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been doing this for a very long time and I’ll tell you something these are the best T-shirts, made by the best people, in the best country period. These are gonna fit all men, and believe me, there’s no problem there – and probably fit most women, good women, they’re very smart people. My wife she, well she’s beautiful isn’t she? Give them a wave Melania. We’re gonna have a very solid selection of T-shirts, and by the way, more T-shirts than Obama ever had. More than any other president, I think I can say that, more than any other president in history. We’re gonna make T-shirts great again.

ModelDescriptionPrice
The Mountain Epic Trump ShirtEpic, Hand-dyedCheck Price
Make America Great Again Long Sleeve T ShirtClassic, LongsleeveCheck Price
Donald Trump for President Signature T ShirtThumbs Up, SignaturedCheck Price
Trump It's Going To Be YUGE ShirtLego, FunnyCheck Price
Proud Member Of The Basket of DeplorablesSarcasticCheck Price
Trump For President 2016 Hell Toupee ShirtSpartan, AdultCheck Price
Donald Trump 2016 Fck Your FeelingsExpllicitCheck Price
Donald Trump Republican Elephant ShirtElephant TupeeCheck Price
President Trump T-Shirt for Inauguration DayPoor Quality Yet FunnyCheck Price
Trump Train Vintage Donald Trump 2016 T-ShirtGraphic TeeCheck Price

The Mountain Epic Trump Shirt

The Mountain Epic Trump Shirt

100% cotton and machine washable this hand-dyed, preshrunk t-shirt comes in a dusky charcoal, midnight navy or jet black and bears a 3d graphic of the President of the United States surfing an Abrams tank through a Fourth of July fireworks display as an automatic shotgun slinging eagle and a rocket launching Huey helicopter light up the skies with ordinance. Did I mention that the tank is wrapped in Trump decals? No? Did I tell you that the word’s “You’re Fired” are emblazoned on that self same tank’s main battle cannon? Oh then maybe I forgot to say that in this particular depiction of POTUS he has one totally normal sized hand in his pocket – most likely cupping his big, brass balls – while the other confidently grips the long hard barrel of a Barrett .50 caliber sniper rifle. Red power tie? Check. WWE Heavyweight belt? Check. Our President actually farting clouds of cash? Check. If Jesus Christ was an American, and He is, He would look upon this shirt and say: “It is good”.

Pros

- You’re not going to need a small loan of a million dollars to afford this bad boy.
- Guaranteed to never be stopped and frisked
- 100% Deportation proof

Cons

- Your body is officially a piece of real estate owned by the Trump Corporation.
- There are some places you now cannot go: stay away from the coasts.
- A lot of phallic imagery

Bottom Line

The perfect gift for your annoyingly ironic friend or your annoyingly sincere friend or yourself (you are both to someone) or your future self (just in case you need to prove your loyalty at some point), this is the kind of shirt that is sure to get you a secret supportive nod or an angry fist in the face.

Make America Great Again Long Sleeve T Shirt

Make America Great Again Long Sleeve T Shirt

You were there in the good old days, the all for nothing days, when the great man himself was still a rabid underdog gnawing at the bloated underbelly of the Republican establishment. Remember Boring Bush and Lyin’ Ted? Remember Little Mark Rubio? Hell yeah you do, because you were there braying “Make America Great Again” as the GOP’s best and brightest got the verbal beat down from the Donald. No, you’re no fair-weather fan. When Hilary was declared President five months before the election even took place, you stood up and responded “Screw that! Hillary for Prison!”

You were there from the very start, chanting “Build the Wall” and other super important chants, and now you can wear that founder’s badge loud and proud with this winter-sensible long sleeve tee. Whether you’re back dating your commitment to the cause (no one needs to find out) or you lost your original “Make America Great Again” shirt in one of those famously wild Trump rallies (no one needs to find out, you sexy thing you) this is the piece of politically charged leisure wear you need to own.

Besides the classic long sleeve there’s quite a variety of other T’s and sweatshirts on offer: from a hoodie bearing a rather lamentable trumpet pun to a crew neck’s nuanced tribute to The Godfather (could be supportive, could be not), but the grand old majority is made up of the classic “Trump 2016” and “Make America Great Again” fare. There’s also one that says “Blow Hard, Finger Fast” with a picture of a flute that is sure to be a hit at Thanksgiving dinner and Bible studies.

Pros

- Look like you were a Trump supporter from day one.
- Fits well and fades little, you could have had it for months.
- A wide selection of colors and designs, including hoodies…white hoodies. Yay!

Cons

- Out-dated. America was made great again on January 20th 2016 you fool.
- Some very bad designs with some very bad puns.

Donald Trump for President Signature T Shirt

Donald Trump for President Signature T Shirt

Remember Nascar? Remember their signature T’s? I sure do: black and white Dale Junior in fresh new Oakleys, arms crossed, head tilted back, ball cap pulled down, hot red signature emblazoned across his jumpsuit’s zipper. It was the height of early 90s badassery to shake your mullet free from the neck of one of those sweet babies. Cut to 2016 and the man in the country’s driver seat has a Nascar style signature T all of his own. With his thumbs up, tie crooked, hat on, it looks like Donald just won the Talladega Whatever in record time. And he did. And the victory champagne he popped was made with the sweet, sweet tears of liberals.

Now look at those mitts. Seriously. Look at his hands. Man sized? It’s hard to tell, isn’t it? How close are those hands to the camera compared to his body? Can you say for sure? Now look at those thumbs, those weird backwards bending thumbs. Pretty distinctive Trump thumbs. What does any of this have to do with the T-shirt itself? Well, Marky Mark Rubio made such a fuss over Trump’s puppy paws that people are always going to wonder if it’s true. When you’re walking around with this thing on folk won’t be able to stop themselves from pulling you aside to use you as evidence in the popular case of Donny Small Hands vs. Trump Dragon Claws. Be warned.

Pros

- Comes with a “Make America Great Again” sticker.
- Modern design but with a sweet Nascar callback
- It’s like Donald signed it himself

Cons

- Everyone is going to be sizing up those hands. You’ll never make eye contact again.
- Look at that messy signature. SAD.

Bottom Line

Be prepared to turn heads and hearts when you cut the sleeves and a bit of the belly off this beautiful boy and wear it to your aunty’s next garden party.

Trump It's Going To Be YUGE Shirt

Trump It's Going To Be YUGE Shirt

If Lego Trump built a Lego Wall would Lego Mexico pay for it? Do Lego Mexico or the United States of Lego even exist in the Lego World? Does any nation for that matter or is the Lego World a borderless plain of pure imagination populated by pirates, knights and the occasional astronaut? This unexpectedly high concept t-shirt begs these questions and many others while also having a pretty witty go at the way Donald Trump pronounces “huge”.

The problems I have with this T-shirt are as follows: 1. Lego Trump doesn’t have enough bricks to build a 3000 mile long wall. 2. The bricks seem to be taken from the Mexican side of the wall suggesting he is using Mexican manufactured materials. 3. Lego Trump’s hair isn’t quite the right color of faded orange with a pinkish hue. 4. That spread eagle pose is not achievable with an actual Lego nor, I’d wager, with an actual Trump.

If you love Legos and love Trump this is the garment for you. Coming in Grass Green, Navy, Red, Black and Royal Blue, you’re spoiled for choice – unlike Mexico, who is stuck with just the one choice: paying for that wall.

Pros

- Legos are popular on both sides of the aisle
- Kid friendly – get them in the game early
- Could be taken as pro Trump or anti Trump.

Cons

- Wall’s too small
- Hair’s too brown
- Could be taken as pro Trump or anti Trump.

Bottom Line

The kids aren’t going to understand the pun or think it’s very funny, but their parents might. Or they’ll hate your guts immediately for exposing their young to the world of modern politics.

Proud Member Of The Basket of Deplorables

Proud Member Of The Basket of Deplorables

Congratulations! You are officially a member of that roving gang of scallywags and nere-do-wells Her Almost-Majesty Hillary Clinton dubbed the “Basket of Deplorables”. This sport inspired T, coming in such lovely colors as Navy, Asphalt, Royal Blue, Black and Slate, has marked you for the purge – or would have if Crooked Hillary had actually been capable enough to beat your boy. Now, rather, it labels you as one of millions of like-minded individuals calmly reveling in their chosen candidate’s victory over the opposing party in what could only be called a dignified and unifying, issue driven election. Just kidding! It was a balls to the wall, mud slinging, kamikaze death dive into a doo doo storm that ended with Heavy D dropkicking that unexpected win right into the teeth of the liberal media. And you were there loving every second of it.

By wearing this Deplorable piece of clothing you are standing up and telling the world that you’re one of the die-hards, one of a fiery new breed of right-wing political activist unafraid to be who they are and say what they believe despite societal pressure to do the opposite. But don’t get too psyched on yourself there chief, you’re probably just as wrong as the other side about absolutely everything because in the end you’re just another lonely human being desperately grasping at meaningless straws in an attempt to make some sense of your ever shortening time on this revolving death trap we call Planet Earth. Did I say the shirt comes in Asphalt? Pretty fresh.

Pros

- Classic design
- A variety of colors available
- Not Scary or Posh or Baby or Ginger. But Sporty. Very Sporty.

Cons

- Watch out for all those head shakes and rolling eyes as you over-celebrate another man’s accomplishment
- Imported. It better not be from Chi…it’s China.

Bottom Line

Wear this shirt to remind the collective electorate that you and your chums beat the system and are in power now no matter if that poular vote was tampered with or not (it wasn’t).

Trump For President 2016 Hell Toupee Shirt

Trump For President 2016 Hell Toupee Shirt

Drawing on the iconic design of the ancient Grecian helmet, this classy T-shirt bears the world famous silhouette of President Donald Trump and, as an added bonus, sports a pretty sweet pun: “There Will Be Hell Toupee”. It’s a play on the expression “There will be hell to pay”, which comes from the old, sailing expression “the devil to pay”, though there has been some scholarly dispute as to the nautical origin…I digress. The design of the silhouette and the red toupee crest recalls to mind the Spartans of yore, casting our dear Presidente in the role of King Leonidas of 300 fame. Like that antiquated hero, Donald too stands outnumbered against a seemingly endless tide of protesters and negative press. Will you stand with him? Will you strap on your leather diaper, hold your shield high and take your place in the Trump phalanx? If you’re anything like me you’ll probably want to wear a shirt on account of the lack of washboard abs, or any abs for that matter. Maybe wear this shirt.

Marching along in black, white, charcoal and navy this is probably the most subtle, yet sexy, Trump T of the bunch. It fits great, looks sweet, and has just the right mix of military imagery and humor (Is that ever a bad mix?).

Pros

- Great design with some glorious historical imagery and a very solid pun
- Good mix of colors available
- Effectively hides the gut

Cons

- Some people might mistake you for a USC fan from afar
- Some people might mistake you for a Michigan State fan from afar
- Some people might even mistake you for a Cowboys fan from afa

Bottom Line

You recognize the storied history of this election and that of victories past. Drawing on the memory of long dead Leonidas you are staight up calling Donald Trump a warrior king. It’s a hell of a statement to make about a seventy-year-old man but you are shopping for a shirt with his name on it so you must think highly of the guy.

Donald Trump 2016 Fck Your Feelings

Donald Trump 2016 Fck Your Feelings

Well here it is. What’s really left to say? You’ve decided to be that guy. The kind of guy who calls his own sister hot and cheats in friendly games of Warhammer 40,000. Saying “F*ck Your Feelings” to anyone is a bad move by any stretch of the imagination and a rather rude one. I understand that the message here is that truth trumps political correctness, but there’s a better way to go about it. But then again, if you’re really considering buying this shirt then you’re probably beyond talking down. So f*ck it! Buy this shirt. It says how you feel. And you’re the kind of guy who needs to say how you feel. How you’re feeling. Well “F*ck Your Feelings” you overly aggressive, inconsiderate little f*ck.

Pros

- You will never be approached by the homeless for a handout
- It really is a lovely shade of navy blue

Cons

- You might be a dick
- No one will ever notice that lovely shade of navy blue

Bottom Line

Don’t be that guy.

Donald Trump Republican Elephant Shirt

Donald Trump Republican Elephant Shirt

The Republican establishment just got a fresh new doo. If you’ve ever wondered why the Grand Old Party used the elephant as their symbol then google it. It’s pretty riveting stuff actually, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about. We’re here to talk about this stupendously cheeky T-shirt, not Thomas Nast’s 1874 cartoon that used an elephant to symbolize Republican Voters being mauled by a Democratic Donkey in disguise as a lion thus cementing the pachyderm as the right wing totem forevermore. We’ll stay away from any unnecessary historical extrapolation on the subject of animal symbolism in American politics, the fact that the Democratic Donkey was adopted by Andrew Jackson after he was called a jackass by Republicans and decided to own that ish, is neither here nor there. The real issue at hand is how spot on that orange toupee looks on an elephant’s ass.

Coming in white, navy, royal blue, silver and slate this shirt is sure to be a winner at rallies, Republican party parties or adult sleepovers. It really is a peach. You’re going to get compliments from both sides of the aisle, and maybe even some sidelong glances from members of the opposite sex. You’ve got yourself a real winner here, a shirt that says “I understand the controversy and I’m having a ball with it”. Everyone likes a good laugh and seeing that toupee straddling the GOP’s sacred cow (elephant) is a hilarious reminder of how flabbergasted Paul Ryan, Ted Cruz and the gang must be right now with Mr. T at the helm of their party. Even Rince Preibus – Prince Reibus? – has to be walking around the White House thinking he’s gone terribly, delightfully mad. But what really sells this shirt for me is that, with a little imagination, that is a Chris Christie shaped silhouette being symbolically humped by Trump. Remember Chris Christie? The big guy who got stuck on the bridge or something? Neither does the President.

Pros

- A funny and cheery design
- Comes in a variety of colors
- The subtle option

Cons

- There aren’t any, this might be the all around winner of the bunch

Bottom Line

This is a shirt the whole team can rock just about anywhere and get nothing but good cheer in return.

President Trump T-Shirt for Inauguration Day

President Trump T-Shirt for Inauguration Day

This one. Look at this unrepentant amateur job. Imagine that low resolution laser printed photo sticking to your chest on a hot summer day. Think of how cold it will feel on your frost perked nips when winter rolls around. “Who got the last laugh?” the guy who sold you this piece of garage made garbage, that’s who.

Look at the photo on this T-shirt then back at this review. Good photo. Bad review. Who do you trust? You can’t believe everything you read after all. Fake news, biased media, these are the enemies of truth, the enemies of Trump. Is this review like all those polls and editorials that claimed the Donald was not a serious contender? Am I just another part of the liberal media machine forcing you to discount this product or that candidate in order to hasten my neo-socialist overlords’ enigmatic endgame? Look at the back of the T-shirt: The seal of the White House, the official Trump/Pence crest, a memorial to the day America was made great again. Maybe it isn’t the burning pile of caca this author is claiming it to be. Maybe, just maybe, someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes. It’s 100% Cotton and comes in red. Just red.

Pros

- Red
- Cotton
- Front and back designs

Cons

- If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it’s probably a steaming pile of leftover mu gu gai pan wrapped in tin foil and crudely smashed into the approximation of a swan. In other words: hot garbage.

Bottom Line

It’s not actually that bad – yes it is – but the back is nice and very official looking. So there is that.

Trump Train Vintage Donald Trump 2016 T-Shirt

Trump Train Vintage Donald Trump 2016 T-Shirt

“The Trump train has no breaks, so buckle up peanut and take your pucker pill, it’s gonna be one hell of a ride.” Those were my grandfather’s last words before he died in 1993. I remember because Jurassic Park had just come out and I was super bummed I couldn’t go and see it that weekend since I was stuck at the stupid hospital. In retrospect my grandfather must have been a wizard or a time traveller or a time travelling wizard to have known to say that. Or he had just read “The Art of the Deal” while watching “Thomas the Tank Engine” and his brain was misfiring as he died. Either or.

This T-shirt is for you choo-choo lovers out there who want to watch the Trump express chugga chugga its way over Obama’s legacy. Speaking of Obama’s legacy, hot damn it actually looks like it was hit by a high-speed train. Think of the tears. Think of all those manly tears. Imagine Michelle holding our former President in her mighty but gentle arms as he shudders, weeping, watching as his works burn away to nothing with every stroke of Trump’s pen. R.I.P. Barack Obama’s Legacy: Meat grease slicking the tracks having been hit by the Trump Train.

A slick design that forces you to recall Amtrak and that one time you used it (not so bad Amtrak, not so bad at all), this little beauty comes in asphalt, navy, black, slate and brown – finally something in brown.

Pros

- The Conservative Trainspotter in your life just got easier to shop for
- A Pro-Trump t-shirt that doesn’t get too aggressive
- Trains

Cons

- It’s somehow high concept yet boring
- Trains

Bottom Line

That review went a bit off the rails. Zing!

OK, so I'm glad you asked. I went to the internet T-shirt store, my first step. I have great respect for the people in the t-shirt business and all business. I don't have a lot of respect for, in particular one of the makers. But that's okay. But I have a lot of respect for the people in the business. That one shirt was a home run. The other, if you look at Fox, Ok – they said it was one of the great t-shirts. They showed me the people’s reviews and comments and -- and they were all great. There was – somebody was asking Sean Hannity "Well, were they Trump’s t-shirts that were put up?" – listen, we don't make t-shirts. These were independent businesses’ t-shirts. Mike Pence paid great homage to the t-shirt makers. I then went up, paid great homage to the t-shirt makers. I then spoke to the crowd. I showed them my favorite. It got a standing ovation. In fact, they said it was the biggest standing ovation since Peyton Manning had won the Super Bowl and they said it was equal. The shirt got a standing ovation. It lasted for a long period of time. I know when I see good shirts. I know when I see bad shirts. That shirt was a total home run. They loved it. People loved it. They loved it. There was love in the room.
-The Donald

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This